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There’s only like eighty-five guys in my grade, and I’m not interested in the younger ones, so that means I’m limited to this very little “pond of fish,” if you know what I mean. I’m a senior…..and deathly ill with "senioritus." What the hell am I supposed to do when half the guys (the attractive ones, of course) in my grade are all taken by the cheerleaders and the school pimps and sluts, while the other half are either the mama’s boy nerds or just dickhead players? The one exception is my only guy friend. And he’s gay – go figure. He’s awesome, though, so don’t get me wrong. He’s smarter and more perceptive than any other guy I’ve ever known. He’ll suffer through my “horny as hell” speeches and my “why the hell am I single?!” speeches, as well as tell me when my shirt tag is visible and when there’s just a bit of mustard at the corner of my mouth. Well. This little story is the result of another one of his pieces of advice… He said people would like to hear my story (probably more. Right there in the middle of somebody is the word ‘me’ I’m the only me’ I know. I read in the paper the other day that in an active shooter situation, you run. If you can’t run, you hide, and last resort you defend with anything you can get your hands on. But, I’m gonna be offensive so I head inside and toward the sound of shooting. Thank god for Tom Clancy’s books, they are what is guiding me. With my gun up in front of me I continue down the service corridor. Just as I reached the door, one of the ‘janitors’ steps in front of me, facing the other way. Just as he raised his gun to his shoulder to take out some shopper, I crammed the barrel of my pistol into the base of his skull and pulled the trigger. I was hoping that by cramming the barrel into his skull it would hide some of the sound. Don’t know why that seemed important. After all, there was shooting here and there. Before he could hit the ground I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back into the service area. I laid him.
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